Sunday, 26 June 2016

Frustration Central....

Fed up, fed up, fed up, fed up, fed up.

The dust is starting to settle as far as Brexit is concerned and we can now see the carnage that this horrid result has caused to the UK as a whole, and also just in the way that people view each other.  I have never felt so frustrated and disappointed by a political decision - I guess I've never cared quite as much before.  It feels like the xenophobes and the racists have won, and are going to be taking charge of our country.  I read a comment that really rings true - not all OUT voters are xenophobes and racists, but all xenophobes and racists are OUT voters, so I can't blame all of the 52% for that I guess.   I am encouraged by the fact that the PM hasn't activated Article 50 to start the exit from the EU, and that over 3 million people (myself included) have signed a petition requesting a repeat referendum once we know the terms of any exit from the EU.   It is hard to believe that people would vote in the way they have if they had truly considered all the facts.   I am really struggling not to feel anger and bitterness towards anyone that voted to leave - I just can't understand why anyone could feel that Brexit was the best choice - normally I can see others' point of view, even if I disagree with it, but on this issue I can't, and it makes it hard to respect the decision.   For the first time in my life I am seriously considering going to a political rally, to protest against exiting the EU.  And in my condition.....

The other thing that is frustrating me is this whole recovery business.  I felt after I left hospital that there was a plan, that I would be home for 4 weeks R&R, then starting on a rehab programme, which I would complete before going back to work gradually.  The rehab programme was going to involve two weekly 2 hour sessions, with an hour of exercise and an hour of 'informative talk' about lifestyle management - and that there would be stress management included in that.  Now, after my appointment with the cardiac rehab nurse (who was lovely) it seems that I am coming to the end of my 4 weeks, I've just been referred to the rehab programme, and they will let me know when they have a date and can accommodate me, but there are a lot of people needing to do the programme.  Also, I need an echocardiogram and an exercise tolerance test, and according to my discharge notes, this has been booked, but I have no date for this, and apparently again there is a waiting list, and I will hear in due course when my appointment will be.   In terms of stress management, I was told to talk to my GP about doing a stress management course, and when I did she knew nothing of such a thing, and they have a counsellor that they can refer me to but there are currently 200 patients on her waiting list.  So it could be months/years before I make it to the top of that.  Her recommendation was to go private and I think that is what I'm going to have to do.  It is too important to mess up and end up in the same situation as before - I certainly don't want another holiday in the Coronary Care Unit, lovely as the nursing staff are.  I guess my frustration comes from feeling that people said things were going to happen in a certain way, and that didn't come to fruition.  I understand that the NHS is severely underfunded and demand is huge, but I'd rather that people told me the reality rather than what ideally would happen.  Also although you are the poorly one, it is you who still has to make all the decisions and a lot of the running, and in some ways I just want someone to tell me what to do at this stage.  Perhaps I'm being a bit of a baby in that respect, but hell - I've just had a bloody heart attack, surely that is allowed!!!

My other concern at the moment is how to change the things that cause me stress.  The two issues that I  have highlighted at the moment, I feel powerless to change - the only silver lining was that S did listen to me about them.  We need to come up with a plan, to make life a bit more chilled and a bit less frenetic, and where everyone's needs are treated equally, rather than me feeling like I'm at the bottom of the priority list.  Also, I do think that the kids at the moment are in charge and that needs to change, but that needs a united, consistent and sustained approach from S and I, and I am not sure whether the two of us can work together like that.  It hasn't worked before, but perhaps in this situation there is more at stake.  

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