Sometimes in my little bubble it feels like life should just hang on a bit while I get my recovery time. All stress should be unable to land on me during this time and when I am better I should then emerge back where I was. But...life doesn't work like that. Dementia in loved ones does not go away to allow one to recover from a heart attack, and that is perhaps the biggest source of stress in my life with both mine and S's mums in the advanced stages of it. Today S's mum was having a really bad day, confused, distressed, seeing and imagining things and in terrible pain when she sat down. She has barely eaten for the last 2 weeks and now weighs less than 6 stone. A lot of the time she is unsettled and agitated, or feeling sick and barely able to stand. Today she thought that one of the carers was trying to have her wicked way with my father in law, and also thought she had a chicken stuffed up her top. You have to kind of laugh at the bizarreness and randomness of it all, but it is really upsetting to see someone you love in that condition. Anyway I was really worried about her today because of the pain she was in, the fact that she seemed on the verge of collapse and also because my father in law seemed to think it could wait until next week. In the end I could not rest and S suggested I ring the doctor, which I did. The doc wants to see her tomorrow and also wants me to go along for the appointment, oh joy. And I am the one supposed to be keeping out of it all! I can't leave her in pain though, and also looking so frail without getting her checked over. Does that make me my own worst enemy?
Another source of concern is school - we find out tomorrow what classes the boys will be in next year. I am hoping and praying that both boys go up a class and don't get held back because of their ages - they are both ready for a change. Being born in June andAugust sucks because school seem to think it is ok to keep the younger ones down with the year below when they split classes and M gets really bored because particularly at the end of the school year he isn't being challenged. I hate that I feel powerless to change anything in school when I don't think it is right for the boys. The head doesn't seem to take parental concerns very seriously, or if he does there doesn't seem to be much action.
Today has worried me a bit, it scares me that I could so easily end up back in the same position that got me to the stage when I had a heart attack. Sometimes though it is a balancing act, it would stress me more knowing that mum in law was in pain and nothing was being done about it. But I shouldn't have to be the one that acts when something is amiss, especiallynot at the moment.
Aaarghh!
On the positive side I got some sorting out done in the house and my cats seem to be starting to get along again, maybe that means peace and harmony is restored! I watched some great tennis on tv and one of my friends got the brilliant news from her MRI scan that her cancer has shrunk to the point where it can't be seen on the scan. Way to go Ali!
No comments:
Post a Comment