Ups and Downs

This recovery lark is a flipping roller coaster.  Every twinge, every odd sensation brings on a feeling of mild terror... Is it happening again, am I ok. Apparently it is normal for patients to feel a bit left high and dry after being discharged from hospital, after all there are no nice nurses to listen and calm you down, no reassuring beeps from equipment telling you that your heart is doing what hearts are supposed to do.

Today I have felt it as I have had a tummy upset, probably the meds, but I haven't felt well. IT improved as the day progressed so I am a touch better tonight, but I feel a sense of grief inside, for the health I once had, will I ever feel normal again?  I did a circuit of the duck pond tonight, that felt good, and tomorrow I have my son's birthday party to contend with. I hope I am up to 12 kids building bears, am quite looking forward to Wagamamas after.

Sorry to sound so maudlin, but it is quite a thing to come to terms with.

ON a slightly less maudlin note, England are playing Russia in Euro 2016, and I am hiding upstairs because my blood pressure can't take it! Memo to self: only watch matches I don't really care about - I was ok with the Wales match, but need to avoid England matches, and I guess no watching Brits play at Wimbledon... Andy Murray games are never calming at the best of times...