Friday, 17 June 2016

Keep stress levels to a minimum, they said.....

A few days since my last post, and things had been ticking over and generally going ok in terms of my recovery, I'm building up speed and a bit of distance on the walking.  J had his 6th birthday on Wednesday, and although I felt a bit ropey in the afternoon we got out to the designer outlet and had something to eat, followed by minion cake at home afterwards.  One of those supermarket bought cakes that looked amazing, but tasted rank!  J enjoyed eating minion butt though (boys!).

Then came Thursday.  All was going fine until a ring at the doorbell.  Our cat Elsa had been hit by a car.  So, blood pressure to the test.  Steve rushed her to the vets, I rang ahead to let them know she was on her way and stayed at home with the boys.  The person that hit her was completely devastated, and I know it was a complete accident, but what timing....  BP went up to 165/97 so I thought a call to the doctor was in order.  She said as long as it comes down later it was ok.  Thankfully it did, so my ticker survived the sternest of tests - given that I'm supposed to avoid stress at the moment, and couldn't even watch the England Euro 2016 match against Wales, this was a big one.  

Poor Elsa is at the vets nursing a badly damaged eye and possibly a broken jaw.  She is doing well they have said, and will have x-rays later today to see what the damage is.  The vet says she has lost her sight in her injured eye and will most likely lose the eye.  So we will have a beautiful pirate cat if she makes it through.  She is still not out of the woods and we don't fully know the extent of her injuries yet, although the signs are positive.  Positive is one thing that I am not feeling at the moment.

So, how am I feeling - lets try negative, defeated, beaten, depressed, devastated.  I am so sick of crappy things happening to me and my family.  I am feeling bitter about the heart attack - why me, ok so I wasn't a paragon of virtue in the lifestyle department as I've said, and I've had a huge amount of sustained stress in my life, but there are people far worse than me out there that don't have heart attacks.  I've got 2 young kids who need their mum healthy, a husband who is out of his mind with worry and dragged from pillar to post at the moment trying to sort everything out,  and a badly injured cat.  (not forgetting the mum and mum in law with advanced dementia, dad with attitude that had a heart attack himself last September, father in law stressed to hell looking after mother in law). I am starting to wonder if I was really bad in a past life to deserve all this shit in my current one.

All of this makes me wonder how religious people can possibly consider that there is a benevolent God out there when all this happens.  And then you look at all the horrors in the news - the senseless murder of Jo Cox MP yesterday, the mass shooting in Orlando last week, the toddler snatched by an alligator and killed in Orlando, Syria, etc etc.   If there is a God, s/he really needs a massive bollocking.  I'm with Stephen Fry on that one.  If you haven't seen it try and find the clip of Stephen Fry talking to an Irish TV presenter about God.  Spot on.

I guess I've got to ride the storm of self pity and perhaps I'll emerge out of it soon.  In the meantime, bear with me.  And I'll try and keep the stress levels down, and would appreciate it if life would stop throwing shit at me.

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